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We're Living in an Episode of 'Jerry Springer' Feb. 01, 2025
I recently watched two documentary series that unpacked slices of zeitgeist from the 1990s and 2000s... Read More
A Few Questions About the Gulf of Mexico Jan. 25, 2025
Hi! What is the Gulf of Mexico? I will answer the question with more questions, an old sales trick... Read More
Ladies, It's Time To Hand the Country Back to Men Jan. 18, 2025
You may have heard that a new president will be inaugurated on Monday. By Donald Trump's side, repor... Read More
Listening Better, Fighting Less and Asking More in 2025 Jan. 11, 2025
The final dinner of winter vacation is funereal, death incarnate, the dissolution of rum ball-soaked... Read More
How To Know You're Aging Rapidly Jan. 04, 2025
One way to know you're in your 40s is that you still open BuzzFeed listicles. I'm sorry, it was beyo... Read More
Let's All Agree To Not 'Improve' in 2025 Dec. 28, 2024
January is rearing its perky, crunchy, healthy little head. That means we are contractually obligate... Read More
Holiday Inflatables Are Horrific, but Follow Your Bliss Dec. 21, 2024
This may come off like another Festivus gripe, just an unpopular opinion about a pointless seasonal ... Read More
Will Trader Joe's Save Us? Dec. 14, 2024
Almost two years ago, I begged Joe — Trader Joe, that is — to send another of his clever... Read More
Finding Holiday Gratitude in a Rescue Possum Nov. 30, 2024
"We've got a possum in there," an employee said with a smile. She motioned around a corner, directin... Read More
Thanksgiving Conversation Starters Not About... You Know Nov. 23, 2024
With Thanksgiving falling on the heels of this ultracombative election year, family dinners have the... Read More
The Art of Being Stalked at Rooms To Go Nov. 16, 2024
A twin delight and horror of moving into a new house is finding furniture that fits uncharted nooks ... Read More
A Requiem for Debris Oct. 19, 2024
The mattresses. They're so sad. I keep sharing this thought with people who scrunch up their brows. ... Read More
After Two Ferocious Storms, Making Peace with Florida Oct. 12, 2024
Driving across Florida in the middle of the night after a hurricane, that's one way to make peace wi... Read More
A Transcript of Trying To Cancel Internet Sep. 21, 2024
The following is an only slightly modified account of a recent attempt to sever internet and cable ... Read More
Cats Are Having a Redemption Arc Sep. 14, 2024
Imagine being a cat right now. One minute, you're minding your own business for 12 hours in a closet... Read More
Water Will Heal Me Sep. 07, 2024
I stood inside 7-Eleven on my way to the office, staring dead-eyed at the drink case and reaching fo... Read More
A Prayer for a New School Year Aug. 17, 2024
New school year, work your magic. Bring on the perfectly plaited braids and buns topped with bows, t... Read More
Why Tim Walz Is a Florida Man Aug. 10, 2024
As a mere regular person, I don't know how political vetting works. I picture an episode of "Veep." ... Read More
Why the Olympics Are the Perfect Distraction Aug. 03, 2024
The word "dissociation" gets bandied about in these chaotic times, usually in context of watching fo... Read More
I Saw 'Twisters' in 4DX and I'm Still Shook Jul. 27, 2024
After hours battling Disney passholder traffic on a Florida highway, I hustled into the theater mome... Read More
